*~I WANNA LIVE TO THE BEAT OF MY OWN DRUM!!~*

SO SORRIE!!
Well things for me have been on a roller coaster ride as always...north seattle is great...people bug the hell out of me though...Middle college is okay i was about to get into a fight with this bitch today but she backed down..that really sucked..i also want to kill this chick christa who lives in renton!! the bad thing is i have absolutely no reason to...i honestly dont even know her...well if she calls maxx one more time then i think that is enough reason...i dont think she knows that i do know her name and where renton high school is!! plus vanessa will be calling me if she is up at ballard fucking around with maxx...i dont care if it is just to see eric...i honestly dont care...

yeah lets see what else is going on...i have been hanging out with ort and caleb a lot lately...and jamie came into town last night but i slept through it SO SORRY....

yeah lets see vanessa is going out with frank and that is great but sometimes i feel like she doesnt have time for me...she probably feels it is completly the opposite with me...but whatever if he takes my place i will shank his face, cum in his eye and punch him :) just kidding vanessa!! i want you to be happy...

yay school is almost over!!

oh my god this probably doesnt sound that big to some people but i got rid of my bed!!! i bought a queen bed, and oh my god i cried it sucked really bad!!

yeah umm i havent written in this in a really long time and i still dont know what to write...i love maxx so much he means so much to me and it sucks cause we have been on rocks for a while....vanessa is great i love her she is still there for me after all this time...laura got fired and then got her job back...my parents are going to california next week and i am at home taking care of the babies but laura vanessa and maxx plan on comming to visit me...

umm...rob martin and travis are all pretty cool...they are in my college classes...i met michelle finally she is really great...she is just like me and vanessa...so that is cool too bad her brother is a punk!!

okay that is it i love you all and i am sorry for neglecting you!

<3 always amanda doty

Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: IVE KNOWN U 4 A LONG TIME BUT FUCKING NEVER CROSSED MY MIND,

It's Back To The Beginning...
Yeah hey there, well me and Maxx are back together...its really stupid, i hate this on again off again feeling i get...well i had my last final yesterday and i am feeling so much less stressed out.

yeah i dunno me and vanessa hung out last night and it was nice because we were up forever watching this tom cruise movie i think is called cocktail..i fell asleep before it was over but i got so into it.

Yeah there is this long story about me and maxx getting back together but i wont bore anyone with it so just short and sweet...he said i looked nice, i asked for my cd back, he told me to call him, outside conversation in the rain, move into his truck, he asked me to call him, he calls me before i had a chance, we talk for four hours, he loves me, i love him, he's a dumbass, i knew he was when i first started dating him, two days later he asked me back out, i ask a few questions and then say yes.

yeah so anyways i have to work a lot durring winter break but thank god i have christmas off...that makes things better. I had oreintation at north seattle today and i can already tell that i am going to hate a lot of people in running start but i think that the class i am taking only has me and travis from running start in it which is nice.

blah i dunno i am so excited that my stress month is finally over, well with finals and everything...yay go amanda its over...

i am excited to hang out with people this break i am hoping i get in some girlie time, i asked nessa to have a pajama party with me where we'll be in our jamies and watch girlie movies and friends and do facials and nails and drink cocoa and eat popcorn and ice cream...ahh that sounds nice and relaxing...i am super excited...

yeah well i think i am going to go but i will talk to you all later..

Love ya! Manda XoXo

Current Music: BITTER SWEET SYMPHONEY....VERVE IS GREAT NO?

WHAT TO DO NOW...NO ME TIME!!
Hey there...yeah i am getting really annoyed already with my full scedual, but apparently everything i am doing is good for college and my future...yeah i dunno i just want to sleep in one day....i havent gotten that since the begining of summer time...then everyday i didnt have to work i had to get up early to go to maxx's house all day...damn i should have slept instead...

Yeah so school is going good I love Jaysmine so much...i hope everything works out with her...OMG me and Kyla are friends now...its so weird...but she is really sweet...

I had my presentations yesterday and then Monday the 13th is the end of finals week and so i dont have school after that...i am soo looking forward to sleeping in on the 15th! score...

This friday or saturday i am going to go and see Jills play, but i have to get ahold of her so that i know which day to go...

Jamie is comming in on friday and we are going to get chinese food...yes its great...i am excited it has been soo long since i have been to china village...yes!!

tomorrow Gabe is going to come to have lunch, well actually we are going out to coffee...yeah i need to figure out what to get nessa for christmas (*HINT NESSA CLUE ME IN)

Yeah well anyways i am meeting sig at sunset in a little bit and i still have to finish my paper for my humanities class...I love that shit...

<3 always Amanda Doty
PS Rain Rocks!! she was telling me how she was talking about me hella infront of Nikki Sewell...she got mad...that was so funny...oh and that date thing with Brian...Vanessa and Sarah you guys owe me big...but you both are great...I love you Ness!!

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: WILL YOU COME HOME AND STOP THIS PAIN TONIGHT...I MISS YOU!

HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS CRAP?
I really cant deal with all of this crap. I am doing all my studying for the SATs and i am looking at college applications, trying to get over my grandfathers death, and having to deal with my ex boyfriend who i am going to have to see at least twice a week...my emotions are taking over me i just dont understand...i cant really registure what i am feeling inside my head. I wish everything would just go away for just a little bit so i can find some peace somewhere...

Yeah fucking stupid Paul stole my project so since we are going to have the same slides and his presentation is one day before mine i had to change my project on short notice. that sucks i have exactly one week starting yesterday to come up with a twenty five slide show on power point and a four page paper (.5 spaced) on a topic i have no idea about. i guess using the internet and stuff really helps but i hate having no time to procrastonate.

anyways i am really excited for shopping the day after Thanksgiving when everything is on sale! yay i am uber excited! and lets see i am putting together my scedual for next quarter..i have been a busy bee...

yeah tomorrow i believe i am going to spend some time with Lily, i havent seen her in a while.

speaking of people i havent seen in a while...i hung out with chelsea...she and i went to the post office to mail some things to Jack and yeah he got her this promise ring...damn why cant i find love like that somewhere? blah...they are amazingly cute not in the annoying way!

yeah and anyways i have to go cause i am going to work on my project for a little bit and then hopefully clean my room and go to sleep...boy i am tired..i slept a whole lot last night though (sorry i fell asleep nessa, i hope you enjoy the friends, but you have to bring them back cause i will go crazy without them)

yeah and i have to say hi to devin. i doubt she reads this but if she is HI and I am sorry for all the shit you are going through...believe it or not but i bet i know how you feel...

Love you guys...<3 amanda Doty

Current Mood: I AM FROZEN

WELL WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT??
hey everybody...i have had the crappiest week...on that last tuesday i couldnt buy friends...and when i went over to maxxs house he broke up with me..i was so confused...and i still am as to why but i dont really think about it anymore...

sunday my grandma called my work and she said that my grandpa was in the hospital not doing too well..me and my mom left work hopped on the freeway and drove to fort lewis...we were at the hospital for a really long time...i walked into the room and i had to leave i was crying so hard...so i got up and left they put me in a meditation room. when i came back in i talked to him, he was un concious but the doctor said he could still hear me..after a while i got tired...so my grandma took me down to the cafiteria where i met this man whos son was wounded really badly in iraq it was really sad...then when i came back upstairs my mom was crying saying she hoped i would stay downstairs cause his blood preassure was gone and he was gonna go soon...so we all stood by him and told him we loved him and goodbye..i told him it was okay if he left if he wanted to then at 6:02 pm he flat lined...it still hasnt hit me i cried the whole way home and i still feel like he is going to be there on thanksgiving...i keep having crying fits...just randomly...i was bowling with sig yesterday and my mom was crying so i stopped and started bawling sig just held me and told me it was going to be okay...maxx came up and was like why did you stop bowling?? why are you crying...he automatically assumed that i was crying over him...no we told him my grandpa passed away...and he was like oh im sorry and he gave me a hug and was like well how have you been since us? and i was like okay that doesnt matter anymore...its funny how when someone dies you have a different out look on life...

well gotta go thanks to everyone who has helped me through all this crap..i love you all I LOVE YOU LAURA...I LOVE YOU VANESSA...I LOVE EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY...I LOVE YOU SARAH...I LOVE YOU ECHO!! YOU GUYS ARE ALL GREAT!!

<3 always amanda XoXo
thanks for getting me drunk kirill, robin, and jeremy...thanks for getting me drunk again laura!!

Current Mood: I LOVE LAURA
Current Music: I HEAR YOU TALKIN..WELL ITS MY TURN NOW IM TALKING BACK.....

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?
Well damn i havent written in a long time and right now i am facing some pretty difficult things. I dont know....a lot of shit has gone down...but i guess i dont want to talk about most of it right now...

Yes! the eigth season of friends comes out today and i am going to go buy it right after school...and i dont care what maxx says i am going to watch some of it at his house!!...he has really been weird lately something just doesnt feel right...I dont like this...its like exactly how i felt when the whole robbie ruhi thing was going on...i dunno i guess i am going to talk to him about it today so that way he cant be like "Im tired i have to go" god he is pissing me off so much..i told him that anna was going to have a sleep over and some guys were going to be there and he got upset though he spent the night with girls two nights ago...then he said he didnt care i could go if i wanted to. I told him i wasnt gonna go, because i knew it would bother him..and that gives him lee-way to spend the night with more girls...

yeah and i saw vanessa sunday night it was really nice...just when i needed someone to talk to she walked in my door...we went out for a little bit and we both got some things off our chests...i felt a whole lot better...THANK YOU VANESSA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

Yeah school is going okay i am almost done with my senior project...its on HIV/AIDS and then my report card came and i got a 3.75 which is good its not the best but mr. law was giving everyone C's i swear i was so happy when i got a B. I have been working my ass off...Western sent me something about applying but i am still really unsure of where to go Kjersti said that SU is a good school and that i would like it a lot...i guess i will have to go take a look around sometime....

YAY sally who is the manager of the starbucks on market said she wants me to work there...and if i ever put in an application she would grant it if i told her when i did...so i was thinking about getting a new job...but she is also a barista at this little cafe on 15th and she said that i would liek that a lot better because then i get more tips and i probubly would have better hours...she served me coffee all the time and then last night while sig and i were bowling she ended up right next to us...now i am thinking about it...

yeah well i have to go i will write hopefully sooner..

<3 amanda

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: SOME PEOPLE WANT IT ALL BUT I DONT WANT NOTHIN AT ALL...:)

COLLEGE....SCHOOL....WORK....WHAT IS NEXTY
Hey there...yeah I took my North Seattle running start test and i got a high nintey percent on everything...so i start there in december and i am taking english 101, U.S history since 1865, and Customer Relations...so thats cool...

I have to speak at the open house at my school, and from now on i have to go to one staff meeting a month because i am in charge of graduation...that is so much fun...we are still deciding on places we are looking to have it at...who knows...

Halloween is going to be so much fun...Jessie wants to kick it and then me and laura are gonna go out when she gets off work, we are probubly going to go see lily...which is great cause i miss her and we havent hung out in forever i swear! She isnt a drinker anymore..how weird is that...

Yeah i see Josh about everyday he goes to north seattle now i guess and he works at ballard mannor...thats cool i havent seen him since about eigth grade..and Kyle is being nice to me, a refreshing change since we last knew eachother.

yeah so things are going a lot better at school. people dont care anymore if i do drugs or not. I love that. though anna wants me to come to her party on friday she said that people are most likly going to be smoking weed...i dont have to be around that...and i some people i know want to go to a ballard keg on saturday but i cant do that cause i am busy that night...

me and Jessie are supposed to go to the club soon...that sounds like fun...just dancing and being a good girl.

yeah and sarah and i may go see the incredables!! that movie looks hella funny i am really excited...i saw the grudge with eko nina josh maxx and some guy that i dont remember that was so much fun...then nessa came to the bowling alley and we went to my house and watched friends...that was nice...and now i dunno...

i am at school and i have finished my work for today but i should get on my extra thing...

so i will talk to you all later...

Love ya manda

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: GOT STAINS ON MY TEE SHIRT AND IM THE BIGGEST FLIRT

I CANT GO ON NOT LOVING YOU...
Hey there...well YAY i finally made friends at school i mean besides anna ort and rosa...i talk to tida and eko now!! its nice to have people to turn to....and i am going to call jill tomorrow!! only cause i love her!!!

Chelsea came and saw me the other day it was nice!! i miss her like crazy...

yeah and today i went bowling with sig...i sucked lets just say that...and she did great...maxx was making fun of me...i felt dumb....but yay bowling lessons start up again on saturday for me...

yay we all get raises next paycheck (tomorrow)

i wanted to see bob today so he could meet maxx...but he wasnt there :(!! bob come to my work soon i havent really had a convo with you in forever damnit!!

yeah me eko and chris are going to the movies this weekend cause eko has free tickets to go see Grudge!! ohh that looks scary!! speaking of scary i went to a haunted house with reina and jesse and david...wholy crap i got chased around with a chainsaw...i was going to kill somebody...

i am getting to know the new girl rain at my work shes hella nice!!

i take my sats on january 22nd...and yeah i dunno where to go from there...my counseler said i could get into wasu or central really easily but i think i want to go to western i dunno...maybe i wanna go to a community college first...all i know is that i am stressed out really badly..

laura and i went on a long drive to no where last weekend and just talked...it was the nicest day ive had since i cant even remember...thank god for laura i dont know what i would do without her...

anyways i am going to go to sleep now....well actually talk to chelsea first...she misses jack...and i feel bad cause i love her....i hope they get married...(hear that chels...now i get to be a bridesmaid)

<3 amanda

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: I WISH I COULD TIE U UP IN MY SHOES MAKE U FEEL UNPRETTY TOO

I LOVE FRIENDS....ITS COMFORTING...
Hey there guys...today was an interesting day...i went to North Seattle...its okay but it wasnt half as good as edmonds community college...i dont want to go to a community college, but i dunno i guess its okay to look into...

i am feeling much better today...the presidential debates sucked today and i really dont want to work on my paper yet so i am going to write instead.

well things are getting better with me...i just felt really bad the other night..i think i am okay now..i am getting really upset for some reason lately...blah...

yeah well anyways i saw devin today...just said hi nothing else really...but yeah she looked nice...really skinny but pretty...this guy friend of mine was like "is she available" haha..it was nice..

i am getting close to people at school, i went over to rosas house this morning...it was nice we laid in her bed and talked about a lot of people we both know and stuff like that..i missed her, and jasmine and anna are really cool....and some other people...but i dont want to really hang out outside of school with people who do drugs...blah...

okie dokie well i think i better be off now...but i will talk to you all later...

Love always amanda XoXo

Current Mood: OKAY...
Current Music: I MEMORIZED THE WAY OUR LEGS INTWINED WHEN I LOST MYSELF...

I LIVE AT THE END OF A FIVE AND A HALF MINUTE HALLWAY
I am so alone...nobody understands...I am so lost in this big world...there isnt anybody who can relate...nobody understands me...i am just that girl who doesnt have sex with a hundred guys, the girl who chooses not to do drugs, the girl who wears white tee shirts and jeans, the girl who doesnt care about many people, the girl who seems too smart for a stupid school, the girl who doesnt belong, the girl who eats alone at lunch and doesnt mind, the girl who reads too much, the girl who doesnt like to be social, the girl that nobody understands, the girl who doesnt follow the crowd, the girl who loves music, the girl that writes all the time, the girl who chooses not to date many people, the girl who loves to be alone, the girl whos dad used to beat her and does drugs, the girl whos mom has all the kids, the girl whos the middle child, the girl who lets people walk all over her, the girl who forgets birthdays, the girl who doesnt fit in, the girl who is just plain weird...

i really just want someone to stand beside me right now and tell me that they do care and that i didnt just make up in my head that i really have someone who loves me...

fuck it all right now....i really am a little girl who is standing all alone in this big world...nobody is there, maybe people think they are but really they arent...

what the hell can i do

Current Mood: I DONT WANNA B ALONE ANYMORE
Current Music: ANOTHER DAY AND I COULD HAVE GONE MAD..

SO....SCHOOL....UH YEAH...
Yeah...i feel kind of like a fish out of water here...complete culture shock..maybe its because people here smoke weed more than i had anticipated...or it's because i just dont know everyone...all the guys here have a fucking starring problem though, this guy was like "lemme get them digits" and i was like...uhh..i dont date guys durring the school year, sorry...and he was like oh i respect that....And then twenty min. later he was like lets go smoke a bowl...and i said i dont smoke weed and i dont want to hang out with anyone that does because i want to go somewhere in life (I am easily infulenced by that)and his reply was..."well not everyone can be a stuck-up prissy bitch like you" i was so upset...i have so far been asked out four times...thats sad there have only been four days of school... Anyways on a lighter note...i got all of my community service hours done, i go to north seattle to get my school id on the thirteenth...that should be fun... i saw devin yesterday when i came out of school...she looked good, but really really thin...i just hope that she is happy! we dont talk anymore so it was kind of awkward... and tomorrow i have my diabetes walk with laura and kim...laura is picking me up from school today we are hanging out till about two thirty then i am going to Maxx's house...interesting...i know...then laura is picking me up when she is done picking up the kids from bellingham then we are going over to eaither hers or kims house and most likely drinking...YAY (i havent drank in forever i swear) and yeah So i told jeremy yesterday that i dont really like him like that...we'll see where that goes though... i have to go do some actual work now though...talk to you later... <3 manda xoxo

Current Mood: I GET TO SEE MAXX!!
Current Music: I WISH I COULD TIE YOU UP IN MY SHOES MAKE YOU FEEL UNPRETTY

IF I COULD RETRACE EVERY WRONG MOVE I WOULD...SOMETIME I THINK OF LETTING GO AND NEVER LOOKING BACK.
So guys yesterday was just the absolute best day ive had in such a long time!! First me and my homeless friend Bob went downtown together to the new library...I hadn't been in it before omg...its fucking ten levels of books...wow...it was so big!! He was laughing at my amazment...

And after I got through getting tons of info for my senior project I took the bus (all by myself might i add) back to work...where un-fortunatly i got my new work shirts...one purple, one blue, and one black...and talked to my boss for a little bit about some school sceduals and stuff...then I went to get some coffee...Where i ran into Tessa...i love her so much i missed her...we talked about this cute boy that she is seeing and how her life is going....

Then I started on my way to Maxx's house and I ran into Ryan McCaffee...oh wow has he grown up...to be a full blown hottie!!

Then i finally got to Maxx's house...all that walking in like five inch heels....and if you know me i dont wear heels very often ( i just love my mary-janes on heels and i had to break them in) so by the time i got there my feet were too numb to be hurting...it was nice though at Maxx's house...i really am into him so i know i need to get on calling jon!! blah i dont want rachael to hate me but i think that is something that has to be done...

So tomorrow i am going to the puyallup fair with my mom, my dad, my sisters, Kirill and Jeremy...which i was really excited about till now cause Jeremy told me that he stopped doing the bad boy things he does and now i know that tomorrow they are planning on doing the things that he said he quit...bullshit i dont want to have to hang out with him then, then robin got all pissed off saying that she didnt want to be with him all day cuase she wanted to spend some quality time with kirill and that i had to cause i offered that he go and i said that was before i knew he was still doing this shit...so now practically everyone is mad at me...

and then on the second i am going to do the Diabetes walk with my sister and Laura cause i was really upset that i couldnt do the AIDS walk...i am really excited about doing that its only about three or so miles...and my uncle died because of Diabeties so I feel as if i am giving something back...YAY i love doing good!!

Yes so anyways i think i am going to go shopping with my mom so i am going to go (pluse laura and kim are comming over and i dont want to be scum without showering...)

love you all
<3 always amanda

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER FROWN EVENTUALLY BREAK DOWN..YEAH.

IT MAKES ME SAD TO THINK...THIS COULD ALL BE FOR NOTHING...
Hey there...yeah so nothing is really that new...Maxx and I are kind of on rocks right now..last night we got into kind of a spat..He wants to go out...I think that it is too soon cause it still kinda seems that me and robbie just broke up but then Vanessa thinks that its not too soon...and then i feel bad cause I know how it always ends with guys and i know i am not going to marry Maxx, right now we are cool just chilling, kinda being cuddle buddies...but he says that he hurts more now than he thinks he ever will...hes never gone out with me though and hes never been in love and he thinks that he is falling in love i said "how do you know if you are falling in love when you dont even know what love is" and he said how did you know what love was when you fell in love with Max?" and i was like "fuck dont start being all smart..."
but yes i dont know where that is going...i dont want a boyfriend right now...i feel really bad and i dont want to be wasting his time so i told him if he needed a girlfriend then he had to go find someone else...that might have pissed him off a little...

Anyways, still havent heard from Robbie i hope he is doing well...

Me and vanessa hung out and we got into some shit...well actually i got into some shit that Vanessa helped me get out of THANK YOU NESSA!! I LOVE YOU!! YOU ARE LITEARLLY THE BEST!! damn chris davis...and brian fuck him...(I know that you guys are still close and shit but i dont care for him anymore)

Yes well i think i am going to go to sleep because i work tomorrow (that doesnt seem like too much fun right now...pluse the fact that ihave to bowl in the morning with mike and i seem to dissapoint him though he suggests otherwise...)

Love ya!! <3 always amanda XoXo

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: WHEN UR NEXT 2 ME I CAN FEEL UR HEART BEAT THROUGH MY SKIN..

YOU CRAWLED INTO MY MIND WHEN YOU CRAWLED INTO MY BED...
Well things are starting up now….school sucks…yeah I started my first class yesterday and that was okay nobody was really there but since I missed so much this summer that I didn’t know was going on I went to make up for it all…it was interesting I saw boone and Kyla…haven’t seen either of them in a while…
There aren’t that many cute boys at my school that I have seen so far…that kind of sucks but hey I haven’t seen everyone…

Speaking of seeing people, really awkward I saw Max (the old Max) I had just left Maxx’s house and I ran into Chris and I really had to pee and like so we went into QFC and so I was running around trying to find the bathroom and so Chris was like ask that guy, and I turned around and it was Max. it was weird because I haven’t seen him for like three years so it was really unexpected….weird all of those times I’ve been there I’ve never seen him…now I feel like I shouldn’t go in there cause I dunno I guess its weird to be around him…but I always walk with Travis to the skate park and then we go to QFC to get Snapple…but I have to get apple juice now cause they stopped selling it…

Yeah Jon put in his two weeks at work…hes taking a traveling job hope that goes well but I probably am never going to see him ever and that kind of sucks but I will still hang out with Rachael and Alise…

Yeah and then Maxx started school and we barely ever see eachother but yeah I dunno…me and him had a talk last night about why I wont go out with him and stuff like that I guess he understands…I just feel really bad…

Yeah and then I’ve hung out with Vanessa a lot lately we have been having fun…except for that night at jamie’s…but that is really just my fault I know…I feel bad for not hanging out with her earlier in the summer….

I also learned that Devin may be moving to Utah…I don’t really know how to feel about that…I know I don’t really want her to go…I know we aren’t really best friends anymore but I know that if I ever needed her I could call on her…and that’s going to be really hard if she leaves…I don’t know I guess I have really mixed feelings about all of that…I just cant even think about it cause its like weird I guess…I don’t know how to describe it…

Anyways on a happier note my bowling still sucks for everyone who was wondering….though I am getting better I guess a little…still I think it is stupid….

I haven’t heard from Robbie for a while…he told me that he would call me when he was ready and I am still waiting…He called my mom at work yesterday and she told me that he started school last night. He is getting started on his career with cars...thats great I am honestly really happy for him…my mom said that he wants to open up his own little car center where he makes them faster and stuff like that…I really have the best wishes for him…

Blah…there are other things to say but I cant think of them right now….yeah I don’t know I think I am going to spend all of next week at the library….thats not the funniest place to be but everyone else in my class are like hella far on their senior project…that sucks cause I am so behind that means…cause boone told me he was already don’t with his..(though boone is like academically challenged and he never works hard on anything) so yeah I am working exceptionally hard on mine…

Yeah but I think I am going to go now but I will talk to you guys soon..

<3 always Amanda ( I no longer feel like a Jeff, Larry, or Alice)

Current Mood: cold
Current Music: I CRAVE IT DESPRETLY AN ADDICTION TOO INTENSE TO BE DENIED..

Too much work and not enough sleep!! I thought I went to bed at a reasonable hour last night but I just died at work today…and now I have to do that all over again tomorrow…nice huh….

Yeah well anyways I am kinda hungry…and I feel so bad because it totally blew my mind that I didn’t even call jill yesterday I am such a terrible friend…work I think that’s whats got my mind so blank….now I know what I want to get her but that really sucks that I didn’t call her on her birthday…SO IF YOU ARE READING THIS JILL I AM SO SORRY…I LOVE YOU…HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY….

Yeah so anyways on a brighter note…Tuesday I get to hang out with maxx…then on Wednesday I am going to help laura look for a place to live…then on Thursday my mom, dad, little sisters and I are going to do something cause rita has school and this is chucks last Thursday home…I am really excited for that…if I am not tired the whole fucking time…

Ohh yeah travis came to my work today he is going to the mall academy as well, that was cool to hear from him, he was like I saw you on the bus so I decided to get out and say hello…so I walked him the rest of the way to his work and we talked he told me about his summer (which by the way was really sad so I hope he feels better) and we joked about Max Bennett and Kyla Calaway…haha good old times….:J

Yeah and anyways I think that is about it for right now I think I need to go to sleep…okie dokie…

<3 Larry…(that’s who I am for the moment) haha jen

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: DONT TAKE MY HEART DONT BREAK MY HEART DONT THROW IT AWAY...

SOMETIMES I JUST DONT FUCKING GET IT...

I don’t know how people just tend to piss me off…it just happens…fuck….

I don’t know anything about anything right now…I feel really bad and I know why inside but I am not doing anything wrong…

Why do people question me? Why do people care what I am doing…I just don’t seem to understand!!! If someone likes you why are they pushing you to do shit that you don’t want to…like for instance to date someone that you don’t want to? Fuck….i am just aggravated…

Fuck it I gotta go

What the fuck ever….

<3 Manda, Jeff, Larry, or Alice…fuck I don’t know right now…

Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SMELL FEAR...I GO WILD....

GOOD MORNING MOMMY!!! EVERYTHING IS MUCH BETTER...

Well yesterday was an okay day…I was able to keep certain things off my mind for a while…but then I had to call Robbie…hmm…yeah so last night wasn’t that great...me and Robbie got into another fight…how the hell can we still fight even after he has moved away…but anyways everything else was all right…Jon saw me cry and that kind of sucked cause then he was like “what’s wrong” and I honestly didn’t have an answer for him..

Yeah well school orientation is coming soon like next Tuesday so I am kind of excited to see everyone who is going to attend…yeah…crazy I cant believe I am a senior…wow that’s kind of a shock I graduate really soon…ahh what am I going to do with my self…??

Yeah and I talked to laura for a little bit last night…it was nice to hear from her…we haven’t been able to talk about anything personal for a long time…so we had a really depth conversation that kept me weeping all night long…all I can say is that I am sorry…

Yeah so anyways today I babysat which was nice because I haven’t been spending any time with the girls…I have missed them very much….so we played around today and just did the girl thing….I painted their nails and we watched movies…ahh…it felt nice…real real nice…

I bought a new cd yesterday…its good its called Darkest Days by Stabbing Westward…I really like their music and I should have bought noel’s Wither Blister Burn and Peel, when laura offered it to me…damn why am I so nice?

Yeah so anyways yesterday I watched Schindler’s List for the first time and I just bawled my eyes out…it was such a good movie…how come I never saw it until yesterday…

Blah…something is still missing right now…I am still really shocked at what Vanessa was telling me yesterday…I guess devins boyfriend was calling her names like dumb and racist…and Devin didn’t really do anything about it…maybe he was just kidding but how Vanessa described it he wasn’t…

Oh and will Jen Jens ex boyfriend wants to “kick it” with me sometimes…I hope he means kick it as in me kicking his ass…I cant believe he just fucked her over like that…I have been out of touch with my friends for some time…I have been focusing on me…which now seems pretty selfish but I mean I had to do what needed to be done to put myself together…yes…I feel so much better…so much more uh…alive I wonder if that makes sense…

Yes I think today I can be Larry…and tomorrow I will be either Alice or Jeff…haha…which one will it be?? The world will never know…

Till next time…Amanda…Larry…Jeff…Alice…haha I love you…

Current Mood: refreshed
Current Music: HAUNTED BY BEING IN THIS TINY ROOM THE ECHO HERE OF ME AND U

HEY PRETTY..DONT YOU WANNA TAKE A RIDE WITH ME..THROUGH MY WORLD

Hey well. Yesterday was a great day…one of the best days I have had in a long time! but I mean it had its down side…I was outside walking with Maxx when it started raining…that sucked really bad cause I was wearing khakis and a white shirt and I had a work meeting in thirty min. so I was really screwed.. we put my clothes in the dryer but they weren’t finished in time…it was bad but we kept laughing about it…

Yeah and then my bowling is getting better cause I am taking classes…I know that is really sad but I mean at least I am getting somewhere. I can break a hundred almost every time…but I still haven’t beaten my highest score…which is a measly 123...but whatever…

Yeah and then I saw Laura and helped her out with some moving things. Then I came home and cleaned my room. That was such a good evening for me…

Yeah so today I am going out with Jon, that should be fun…I am still in a way waking up…but yeah my family was supposed to go to the fair but they didn’t end up doing that…

What else lets see…I saw Matt the other day and that was nice…I haven’t seen him since his soft ball game…which by the way his team made it to the play offs…way to go matt!!

Yeah and umm…I think that is all…I talked to george last night and that was fun cause we were talking about when school starts cause mine doesn’t start for a while…but orientation is next week..and george is going to be there so that makes me excited that I am going to know someone there…

But yeah I have to go get ready to leave…so yeah I will talk to you all later…love you all…<3 manda

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: TIME TO GATHER UP THE SPLINTERS BUILD A CASCET FOR MY TEARS.

I HATE EVERY BEAUTIFUL DAY
Hey there everyone...been a long time but yeah a lot of stuff has happend..a hell of a lot.. I have worked an amazing amount in the last month...at least its money..

yeah i am so excited to have a three day weekend...thats like the fucking greatest thing ever...it was supposed to be a four day weekend but i had to work today unexpecredly...i had plans to go over to maxx's house but that was blown over. so i am going there tomorrow and then i have a manditory work meeting for the price raising that is going to be happening...

anyways..yeah i am looking up adoption things so that chuck can adopr me...yeah so maybe by next year i will be Amanda Christine Macchi...yeah i am really excited..but anyways i saw devin and that was nice..it was only for like a min or so..and me and vanessa have been hanging out lately..yeah thats fun fun..

yeah i kind of may have a crush on my co-worker jon. he is just the sweetest and yeah me and him are taking his nephew to zoo and i think that that is adorable..but the problem is that he is my co-worker and the fact that i seem to emotionally kill everyone that i date is a big thing cause i dont want to creat any problems. i know he likes me as well cause after i told rachael that i think that he is attractive (nobody else thinks so) she told me that he asked her to give me his number which is cool cause once i called him me and him have been talking and he is really just great.

yeah so anyways laura is doing alright her and noel are still fighting off and on, that kind of sucks cause i am both of their friends, though i dont agree with a lot of things that noel is doing to her..that sucks..

but yeah i am gonna go now cause i am on the phone..but yeah
love you all talk to you later...

Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: I FEEL HELPLESS AS MY FUCKIN WORLD COMES CRASHING DOWN ON ME

I WANNA SCREW UP TO THE BEAT OF MY OWN DRUM
Hey there everyone...yeah i have been pretty bitchy lately i dunno i bet its cause of the heat..and how i havent spent not one day out there...hopefully i will get to spend some time at the beach tomorrow..or i am going tanning after i get off work..i have been working five days a week for so damn long..i am excited because afther this next week it is going to go down to only four days a week..thats a great thing i think...lets see saturday sunday monday wednesday..that sounds great to me..

i had my first bowling lesson last wednesday and so now i am buying a bowling ball because everything is all wrong with stuff...i wonder how often i am going to use it..thats a thinker..probubly for my lessons and then i probubly wont be bowling again..that sounds bad..

yeah i am now so obsessed with this cd..its all great...today i got to watch friends..that was the best i havent seen it in forever all of my dvds are in vanessas car i really need to get all that shit out of her car..

yeah so anyways i really havent been social lately and i am really starting to feel better about myself jill and michelle were right what happens in my personal life is nobody elses busness even if i say something nobody has room to judge me...nobody..not even my family or my best friends..

yeah so anyways i still havent taken my vacation from work and i know if i do soon it wont even be durring summer..everyone elses taking there break and i have to work for everyone else..though i am not going to bitch too much i mean at least i have a steady job..thats a good thing some day i am going to need the money that i have saved up...just not right now..

yeah so anyways i havent talked to laura today but i found out that her and noel are getting therapy, but she isnt going back to him..she wont even give him a key to her place...i am so proud of her for being so strong..i really admire that about her..

the other night her and lilly came by..they were drunk and that was fun..laura kept saying how she loves me and she really looks up to me..which was really sweet considering she is twenty six...she said that she wish she made the same choices i have made..some not being the best but i have learned from them..i havent repeated them so all is well right?

well i think i am going to go to bed now because i have to work in the morning..so yes..goodnight all..i love you and i miss you everyone!!! gimmie a call sometime..i dont want to feel like i am giving people the cold sholder!!

<3 always amanda doty

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: DEAR WORLD IM PLEASED TO MEET YOU..CAN YOU WALK THE WALK.???

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